Rabbi Birdie Becker
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Weeds for nausea

8/2/2017

26 Comments

 

I found myself in the garden today. I've ignored it far too long. In fact, I never finished planting this year as in June, my husband of 41 years was diagnosed  with glioblastoma multiforme, the brain tumor John McCain has made a household word. Only Jeff's was in a location that was not operable so radiation and chemotherapy have been our daily routine.

Today, Jeff was too nauseated to go to radiation and I had an hour before the sun got hot. So hat and sunglasses on, along with a slather of my favorite sunblock, I marched to the backyard with gloves, a trash bag and my phone - in case of a call from the clinic or the doctors.

Weed after weed came out in my hand. I saw the tomatoes and cucumber plants begin to take form. I was able to separate them from one another, direct the tomato stems up the planter poles and lay the leaves of the cucumber plant down and away from the tomatoes.

The weeds came away from the beleaguered  pepper plants that had become completely overrun and covered from the light of day. Flowers had managed to bloom on one of the plants and leaves remained on the other. Two earthworms squirmed toward each other as I removed their protecting but undesired invading leaf umbrellas and just prior to batting heads veered off in orthogonal directions.

How unfair that I can simply pluck the offending roots and growths from my garden but I am powerless against the tumor growing in my beloved's brain. I have to rely on medicine, radiation, chemotherapy and guesswork. Yes, since each person is unique, each tumor is as well and therefore, guesswork is part of the therapy.

Too bad the weeds I pulled from the garden went into a bag to be tossed in the trash. They were not the kind Coloradoans speak about as helpful for cancer. Rather, they are just offending growths that prevent the fullness of life from flourishing.

Weeds. Tumors. Nauseated.

26 Comments
Rabbi Robbi Sherwin
8/2/2017 05:26:45 pm

Sending love and strength to you. I am so glad you were able to get into your beautiful yard today. Taking time for yourself is important. Will be there with my arms open to embrace you soon. xoxoxo Robbi

Reply
Judy Bederman
8/2/2017 06:06:50 pm

Birdie, thinking of you and Jeff and Jacob and Rachel with all positive thoughts and love.

Reply
Joe Black
8/2/2017 06:11:27 pm

Birdie- I'm so saddened to hear of this! Sending healing prayers from Israel.

Reply
Jennifer Kane
8/2/2017 08:31:06 pm

Rabbi Birdie I am so, so sorry to read about your husband. That's it, then, as if we needed more proof -- why do such awful things have to happen to such wonderful people? You are so full of light and love and beauty. I send all positive, healing prayers.

Reply
Rabbi Becker
9/11/2017 09:29:40 am

Dear Jennifer, Bad things just happen and sometimes good people are there when they do. Jeff is one of those people that got caught is the world's mush. It isn't fair but as is said, we weren't promised the world was fair. Thank you for your beautiful thoughts. All good energy is felt and appreciated. Wishing for you and your beautiful family a shanah tovah umitukah. May it be sweet, joyous and healthy. Hugs

Reply
linda seidman
8/2/2017 08:49:49 pm

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Sending thoughts of refuah shlema.

Reply
Birdie
8/3/2017 12:52:38 pm

Thank you, Linda. I hope you, Larry and all the family are doing well.

Reply
Sandy Goldman
8/2/2017 11:35:12 pm

Oh, Birdie, so very sorry to hear this sad news. Wishing you and Jeff strength.

Reply
Birdie
8/3/2017 12:53:43 pm

Thank you, Sandy

Reply
Connie Suson
8/3/2017 12:09:52 am

I am so sorry to hear this news, Birdie. Sending you strength and healing prayers for Jeff.

Reply
Birdie
8/3/2017 12:55:24 pm

Thank you, Connie

Reply
Barbara Zimmerman
8/3/2017 01:05:02 am

Birdie, Steve and zi were very saddened to hear of Jeff's illness. We wish him Refuah Shlema and wish bith of uou and your family the strength to cope with all the miseries and challenges posed by this horrible disease. We hope the chemo and radiation work and that you will soon be able to enjoy the fruit of your garden together in health and happiness.

Reply
Birdie
8/3/2017 01:00:31 pm

A lovely thought, Barb. I only wish the peach trees had born fruit this year. They were lush and sweet last year but the late spring freeze took the flowers. Guess he'll just have to stay around until next year's blossoms can produce fruit. (she says with tears but as Larry Schwartz was fond of saying, you never know).

Reply
Becky Epstein
8/3/2017 07:59:52 am

Rabbi Birdie, what a hard thing this is for both you and Jeff. Loving thoughts and prayers are with you during this most difficult time. Check in with you today to see how the B'nai Havurah might offer support.

Reply
Sue Ferguson
8/3/2017 06:24:22 pm

Birdie, I am sad to know what you and Jeff are going through. I deeply empathize. Alan & I know cancer and are dealing with it as well. Sending you healing love and keeping you and Jeff in my heart.

Reply
Rabbi Becker
9/11/2017 10:35:40 am

Dear Sue, I am sorry you and Alan are also dealing with this dreaded disease. Wishing you joy 'and health, rafuah shalaymah (complete healing), for the coming year. L'Shanah Tovah U'metukah

Reply
Lottie
8/3/2017 06:33:38 pm

Oh, Birdie, thank you for sharing your story today. I'm praying for Jeff and for you. Sending love.

Reply
Rabbi Becker
9/11/2017 10:29:44 am

Thank you, Lottie. It has been a lost summer. Wishing you a sweet new year. Shanah Tovah Umitukah. Love, Birdie

Reply
Shelley Cohen
8/4/2017 09:32:34 am

You and family have been in my thoughts and prayers. Glad you could find some comfort from Mother Earth. May her renewing energy reach all of you.

Reply
Rabbi Becker
9/11/2017 10:32:06 am

Thank you, Shelley. Hope Irv is doing well. I know you understand the caregiver's life. Love to all of you. L'Shana Tovah U'metukah
Birdie

Reply
Eva Robbins
8/4/2017 11:54:35 pm

Dear Birdie: I am so sorry to hear what you both are going through. Having lived with Steve's medical challenges now for over 12 years, I know it is truly a shared experience. So important to take quiet, self-care moments. I pray for continued healing in every element of his protocols to bring r'fuah and for your strength and stamina in such a demanding and emotional time. Much love & hugs, Eva

Reply
Birdie Becker
9/11/2017 10:09:57 am

Dear Eva,
Sorry for the delay. I am only now getting back to this post. As a family, we seem to have lost the summer along with other things. Thank you for your words. Wishing you and Steve a year of joy, fulfillment and health. Shanah tovah umitukah. Sending with love and hugs, Birdie

Reply
Jani Bielenberg
12/2/2017 09:07:02 am

Birdie,

I was so taken back by the news that Rachel shared with me during her phone call the other day. Words can never begin to express the sorrow and compassion that I feel for you, Jeff, Rachel and Jacob. Please know that I am only a few blocks away and would do what ever I can to ease your day. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle to find peace in a time of so much pain and sorrow. May your Maker's hands surround you with love and strength in your time of need. Love, Jani and Robert

Reply
Charna
12/3/2017 01:31:57 pm

Wishing you all sustenance, and many moments of goodness and love. May the spaces inbetween the suffering be long and comforting. So much love. It is the season of miracles...anything is possible my dear.

Reply
Sharon Silverstein
12/8/2017 05:07:59 am

I just discovered your blog and want you to know how much I related to your eloquent and honest writing about how you felt as you dealt with your husband's cancer. I know that your faith, family, and friends will help you through your grief. I lost my husband to kidney cancer on my birthday in 2008 and have found that despite the passage of time, I still feel his presence and see so much of him in my daughters and grandchildren. Jeff will always be with you ❤️

Reply
Lois Elsberg
12/10/2017 11:43:38 am

Oh Birdie, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband. There are no words to describe this, but please know that I am thinking of you.

Reply



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    Author

    Community educator, choreographer, composer, performer, Becker, M.S.W., M.Ed., M.R.S., Ph.D., serves as rabbi for Temple Emanuel-Pueblo, cellist for Apples and Honey and is a Storahtelling Maven.

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